Inner Peace.

deep in the night ..
its raining ..
feel so lonely, so empty ..

i may have a partner, yet he is not my soul-mate. i may have friends, yet how can they possibly help me out, when even my partner can't? i still cry myself to sleep .. yet who am i to complaint ..

i feel myself giving more than receiving. i'm drained. i filled others, yet who is to fill me up? a wise-person once told me "don't rely on another Man, only God can give you limitlessly". yet we can't accept god in an overnight or within a fortnight. dilemmas ..

why am i giving? maybe i should stop giving .. maybe i should suddenly become stern n pushy. maybe i should let him work things out himself. maybe i should stop treating him so nice. or maybe ..

why am i whining? no, this is not me .. face it, i'm stressed. school problems as base, personal problem pilled up on top. have i not achieve anything? have i not earn anything from working so hard towards it? maybe i'm in the wrong direction. maybe relationship really doesn't work this way. maybe someone should wake him. maybe he will never be awaken. or maybe ..

or maybe its just me.

can't find my inner peace. where has that piece of wide green grassland gone? where has all the bouncing bunnies hide? smiling flowers n singing birds?

mustn't stop in between the hectic life. once stopped, i would find myself doing all sorts of stuff that makes me hate the person i'm seeing reflecting in the mirror. the person that is not smiling back. the person that felt dimmed. the person that is not keeping that consistent smile !!

i no longer look for friends to pour my problems to. maybe i should stop looking for my partner for help too .. it doesn't help. nothing but to make myself feel even more lonely in this big cold world.

he follows his sleeping schedule tightly, leaving me behind, staring at the clock.
*tick tock .. tick tock .. tick tock ..*
who else should i look for? no one listens. no one cares. after all, human are selfish creatures ..

dear god, please help me .. please free my mind .. please, please promise you will stay with me n keep me company .. *sob*

another endless night ..

When you are broken-hearted, I am close to you.
(Psalm 34.18)

One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.
(Revelation 21.3-4)

You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.
(Psalm 139.15-16)