The Weight of "Trust".

not sure about your perspective, but i pretty much dislike the feeling of disappointment. it felt like a minor betrayal. though minor, still betrayal nonetheless .. i guess the core lies in waiting. the anxiousness grew, mirroring the period of time spent. when the bad news finally shows itself, it became almost unacceptable. emotions start tumbling down the hill .. devastated ..

had been persuading myself not to think that the world evolved around me. yet at times, i get fed up with flowery words - so beautiful yet most hurtful of all. n worst, it manage to corrode the trust little by little, ruining it unnoticeably. trust - that ain't easy to build even from the beginning. could it be any easier to regain a Lost one ??

i grew in a family that doesn't hold strongly to promises, nor trust. it is just some words to make us study. the mentioned rewards never exist other than verbally. it took me quite a few rebellious years to learn the cruel fact. reaching college, finally awaken, i realized that the accumulated rewards will never fall into my possession. from then, i stopped trusting, stop hoping. i learn to earn my own share of money instead, to get me what i want. it makes me a rather materialistic girl, but at least it is finally Real .. things start to exist because of my hard work ..

a positive view of this training or experience, whatever it may be called, is that it makes me independent, makes me stop hoping, but to reach out for "the impossible" myself. maybe that's the exact reason i find it hard to trust, doubting others for motives n hidden intentions .. to an extend that some find it absurd for me to take a whole year to trust one single person ..

or .. maybe it is just the movies having their effects on me, creating a dramatical me .. *shrugs*