Captivating.

for the first time in my life, unbelievably, i wasn't blame for throwing a tantrum, an automated n uncontrollable one released by my inner Leo. yes, like mentioned before, the type that usually makes me "snapped n left feeling guilty later".

how difficult it is to be accepted for who i'm. n i was simply left dazzled by his easeful Acceptance !! as rapid as the emotion arises, it calmed in a similar manner. amazingly, i wasn't even left with a chance to drill.

thank you, -piggy-, you're the best-est !! 

幸せですね !!

Perfection.

relaxing in the living room, buried in loads of DVDs, little giggles here n there, little conflict that goes on n off .. n the best part ?? i'm free to express myself !! i was happy, i was in Paradise !!

or has things just became a little Too perfect ??

i'm a karma-believer. i believe every "good" is followed by a "bad", or vice versa. just as Cinderella had to go through the sufferings to finally meet her prince charming. (although i can't stop wondering what happens after that ..)

the fear of having "Happiness slipped away", crosses my mind every single time when gleefulness is inside me. could it be insecurity ?? or past experience ?? -piggy- said that i think too much. -baboon- explained that some guys are goal-oriented - "moving forward after successfully obtaining the current goal". (clarification: by using the word "goal", i include everything - studies, jobs, life, or even in obtaining material items, etc. )

though i might be the type that dive in whole-heartedly (betting for everything or nothing), but fear does escape my grips n taunts me periodically.

(clarification) before we all jump to conclusion that i'm unhappy, i'm Not. i'm happy right now, just having doubts when being cloaked within too much happiness in such a sudden manner.

weird for having such thought ?? i know, i'm still figuring myself out as well. ;)

不確ですね ..

In Her Shoes (2005)

a very, very, very Lovely film !! it has brought tears to my eyes numerous times. or maybe it was sisterhood thingy that has such Huge effect on me. it was like living amongst them, feeling what they felt.

as different as we are, we can't live without each other; as much as we want to kick each others out, we are incomplete without each other.

Love shall Conquer the World !! *watery eyes*

"here's the deepest secret no one knows,
here is the root of the root, n the bud of the bud,
n the sky of the sky of a tree called life,
which grows higher than the soul can hope, or mind can hide
it is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart.

i carry your heart,
i carry it in my heart .."
- a beautiful poem taken from In Her Shoes.

Tag: 7 Musics

was tagged by -joshua- to state 7 musics that affect my life. sounds rather difficult, for i don't particularly like any song. n for the "affecting my life" part, herm .. but i'll try to list out some songs that i interpret as "cool".

most of the Musicals (such as Moulin Rouge, Phantom of the Opera, Sweeney Todd) are successful in thrilling me with their enchanting musics.

doggy..

the little pup has grown !! still as skinny as ever, still as friendly too. seriously, it looks rather different from the common dogs. ain't sure in what aspect though .. any idea, dog lovers ?? ;) (previous photograph of this dog here: Doggy)

Losing Direction.

-baboon- was right, every time something happens, i start blaming myself. argh .. it's all in the blood, i can't control it !! stop the freaking dwelling already !! *frustrates* even -piggy- managed to sense that i was fiercely manipulated by unstable emotions recently.

"thank you so much for trying to understand .."

i guess being manipulated only happens when you're too into the moment. pro -- you can enjoy the happy moment to the fullest. con -- you can suffer from being torment to the fullest too !! yea, pros n cons thingies .. same old, same old .. (Perspectives, anyone ??)

i'm just gonna let today slide by silently, hopefully i wouldn't get out from the wrong side of the bed again tomorrow. *fingers crossed*

私はどうした ..

Inconsistency.

it often throws me off my edge watching people slapping themselves in the face. yes, Inconsistency bugs me big time !! "saying one thing, n doing another thing" ?? oh please .. *twitching eyebrow*

just as the Blood Type had describe me - i'm a serious being. "i meant what i said, i say what i meant". i only judge by observing a person's Actions, instead of Words. for "sweet talkers", usually i just listen n move on. do spare me your crap if you ain't sincere about it ..

it's easy to stop trusting a person. it's almost like a automated mechanism to fence off hurtful possibilities that person might cause. n need it be reminded that Trust is difficult to regain after you lose it ??

人の心は大切ください ..

The Other Boleyn Girl (2008)

unlike previous films, which i usually skipped the plot details, i shall do so for this film, as it touches n inspired me. the plot: the queen was a truly respectable woman. the King of England (King Henry VIII), on the other hand, is like chess piece, being played by the elder Boleyn girl (Boleyn is a surname). the queen's miscarriage had caused her unable to bear children. the younger Boleyn girl was then sent to the Court (castle) to be the king's mistress. the king fell in love with this goodhearted girl. on the day their son was born, the king falls into the trap of the elder Boleyn girl. n the goodhearted Boleyn girl was sent home together with her son, back to the countryside. as the elder daughter of the family, yet failed to capture the king's heart, the elder Boleyn girl vowed to revenge n have the king for herself. her plan of owning Power n Position succeeded n she became the new Queen of England. as for Love, he blamed her for everything that she had made him do n for the country that's falling apart because of her. she was raped before their marriage, instead of made love to. as much as i dislike her role, i shed tears for her when her head drops on the execution stage. their brother, too, was executed because of a misunderstanding caused by her.

it is only so far Greed can lead us. so much adventure, paid with so much pain. she only realized when she was sentence to death, but what good does that do ?? it doesn't seemed worth it now, doesn't it ??

Practice.

have you ever had the urge of making a decision for someone (or in another word, try to control them) ?? all because you feel that you could make a better decision than them ??

i guess that portrays me as a pushy person. being rather impatient, it's definitely Not easy fending off this urge. on the contrary, it is a Must to respect another person's decision. just as martial art, Thoughts, too, require training n discipline. i'm merely an apprentice for now, aiming to become an expert. *determined*

the Battle inside, continues ..

いい人成りたい !!

Tag: 10 Random Facts

was tagged by -joshua- to reveal 10 random facts about me myself. a long one !! but here goes ..

1. if you know me well enough (through my blog), i'm Very Emotional. sounds like a bad thing to you ?? but heck .. i'm darned proud of who i'm ..
   
   
2. Movies are my greatest getaway. especially in relates to mystical creatures (such as vampires *slurps*), psychopaths (hannibal anyone ??), anything that impress me with new ideas !! *hunger*
   
   
3. i'm a Disney-"worshiper". yup, i believed in fairy tales n the existence of "happily ever after", n am working towards it.
   
   
4. i believe my life is blessed with the existence of -bun-. the way we support each other can only be described as Magical !!
   

yuki (ゆき、雪)..

my punk was on a hunting mission again. this time i'm Lucky to have joined his fun since the very beginning (instead of watching him devour the left over birdy last time, or kissing it) .. watch out for blood spattering !! *evil laughters*

Sibling.

as Concerned, or Dreaded as i am, bun n i never failed to enjoy each others' company. we were often thrown envious stares. it still seemed rather difficult for me to imagine having siblings that just "don't matter".

"There is No Accident."
quoted the wise Oogway (from Kung Fu Panda).

i believe everything happened for a reason, n am so very grateful to have her on this long winding road. do you believe in past-lives in the Chinese saying? if such beliefs exist, i would be thrilled if we were lovers back then.

好きな人お大事にするね !!

Blood Type

some cool descriptions of personalities through blood type analysis. which is yours ?? :)

English Descriptions:

-- TYPE A --
You like harmony, peace and organization. You work well with others, and are sensitive, patient and affectionate. Among your weaknesses are stubbornness and an inability to relax.

-- TYPE B --
You're a rugged individualist, who's straightforward and likes to do things your own way. Creative and flexible, you adapt easily to any situation. But your insistence on being independent can sometimes go too far and become a weakness.

-- TYPE AB --
Cool and controlled, you're generally well liked and always put people at ease. You're a natural entertainer who's tactful and fair. But you're standoffish, blunt, and have difficulty making decisions.

-- TYPE O --
You want to be a leader, and when you see something you want, you keep striving until you achieve your goal. You are a trend-setter, loyal, passionate, and self-confident. Your weaknesses include vanity and jealously and a tendency to be too competitive.

Tag: Blog Buddies

was tagged by -akira- to reveal my "relationships" with the blogging buddies of my choice.

the 5 blogging buddies that i choose:

1. -akira-
   
2. -joshua-
   
3. -elezend-
   
4. -marcus-
5. -prim3-
   

1. How did you meet number 1?
   knew akira through blogging n commenting.
   
   
2. On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your friendship with 1?
   maybe 6 ?? definitely at a passing rate, n most probably doing better than that.
   
   
3. How long have you known 4?
   herm .. *checking the comments* oh, i'd know marcus since may. :P
   
   
4. How do you know number 3?
   knew elezend through blogging as well.
   
   

Demonbane デモンベイン OVA (2004)

this 1 episode OVA is an Introduction for the series. regarding the English reporter who came a little too close while taking photograph of Demonbane, n getting to know the people involved. a rather simple episode, just another discovery from a commoner's point of view.

kitty..

another blind stray that i met during breakfast. the previous was completely blind. n this time, it is partially blind. most possible cause ?? definitely infection. poor little fellow .. still as active though. ;)

Concerned.

i still remembered clearly the day she told me "one day i might just disappear, until i settled down you will not hear from me". my fists tighten, i had to restrain myself from slapping her in the face. after i'd recovered from the shock, she was of course warned, to tell me everything even if she were to disappear into thin air this very minute ..

since the conversation, i feared when any incidents occur. i feared of losing her to nothing. she isn't as expressive with emotions as i'm, nor does she voices out her anger until she is cornered.

"i may not be good with words, but -bun-, i'll always be there to support you in anyways that i can. even if i had to turn my back on our parents, i'll do it for You, have no doubt of that. i promise .."

(for more details, read Dreaded .. )

i believe i'm real, for i do not fake myself. -baboon- once told me "you're a good friend". n with all my heart, i hope he is correct ..

力を借用する ..

Prom Night (2008)

"everything is expected" can be used to describe the Whole film. this isn't exactly an impressive Psycho Killer film like Hannibal (which i'm a huge fan of). i was expecting much more when i first saw the poster. what seemed like a "must-watch" turned out to be a "whatever" film. we knew where the killer is, we knew who he is going to kill, we knew how he is going to kill them. yea, we knew Everything .. n for that, i also know that .. it is definitely Not a recommendation.

Virtual.

"you n your virtual crap", -baboon- said.

somehow, me n my virtual buddies gathered here everyday, at my little congested Fairyland. bonding with them n their mind, had made my blogging life pretty interesting n rewarding !!

-piggy- (the charmer), -akira- (the softhearted), -marcus- (the philosopher/psycho addict), -bun- (the giver), -joshua- (the classical addict), -elezend- (the anime/manga addict), -deimos- (the silent thinker), -sharon- (the trendy princess), -cometh- (the peekaboo-er)

-baboon- was right, the Virtual World is just another place for us to dig our golds. Friendship, more than anything, is the most difficult Treasure to encounter. virtual n real life is just a thin line apart, n it shan't stop us from searching n bonding.

お友達と楽しみをする !!

Confidence.

as confident as i looked, i lack of it big time. filled by overflowing anxiousness, drown in too much unsettled feelings .. as much as i longed for companion, i'm never the type that Request for it.

drilling n suffocating in own emotions, choke from the deafening screams inside, disturbing thoughts started to flood my mind ..

he who read my blog, doesn't visit anymore. he who chats with me, doesn't chat anymore .. is that what Time has to proof ??

for that reason alone, i wished to reverse time n stayed in that exact moment when we were So Connected, willingly trapped .. forever n ever .. n ever ..

寂しいがどうする ??

kitty..

few more shots of the pushy fellow i met while having breakfast. XD (click here for the previous shot of the Pushy Kitty)

Farewell.

a firm handshake n a Hug that spoke a thousand words, "take care now" he said, made my heart weights a ton. tears welled up in our eyes, he turned .. n left.

sour rush of sadness filled me, i struggled to suppress the dispirited thought of not being able to see him again, at least not anytime soon. though we ain't the best of buddies or sort, but him being my Consultant had given us the chance to click through our thoughts, else lies undiscovered. just as -marcus- had said, it is the bonding of the minds that we treasure.

お元気で ..

Blogthings: Blogger Type

shared by -alf-, to discover "What Kind of Blogger Are You?". she is a "Life Blogger", while i'm a "Pundit Blogger". another discovery !! :D

You Are a Pundit Blogger!

- Your blog is smart, insightful, and always a quality read. - Truly appreciated by many, surpassed by only a few.

脾气.

-deimos- 的一篇文章让我突然有个启示。他说的一点也不错，在两人之间，女生通常是脾气比较不好的那个。但非常、非常少数的女生能够找到一个了解这“莫名其妙的脾气”，而不跟她们计较的男生。（姐妹们，如果你找到了，可千万别放手哦！）

我妈说过“小气是女生的权利”。如果一个男生真的因为女生“莫名其妙的脾气”而埋怨自己的女友，那么他是时候重新开始认识女性了。简单一句，“不然孩子由你来生好吗”…这样说应该比较清楚了吧！:P

女生的情绪上下波动，全是荷尔蒙（hormone）在作怪，就这么简单！男生们，在这“莫名其妙的脾气”期间，就尽量体谅、疼惜自己的女友吧，她肯定更爱、更爱你的哦！;)

幸せにするね！

Demonbane デモンベイン (2006)

personally, i think the plot is quite a mess. the bad guys who was portrayed to be so powerful, all died too soon. not once, but one character can die many times. the most evil villain was reborn from a younger girl. he ended up becoming a good guy after he died (for the second time).

kitty..

met this little fellow while having breakfast. very pushy !! "demanding" for food n love. won't stop snuggling n chewing at my fingers, simply adorable !! :D

Blessed.

ignorantly turning my back on the last 2 gloomy-days. grieving for the past has been devastating. but as speedy as gloominess approached, happiness follows closely behind. today was a total turnaround, unexpectedly .. Magical !!

thanks to -piggy- (though you might be too busy to read this) for making my day, making all the somberness became worthwhile, making the happiness even happier. thanks for the wand-waving transformation, my seemingly normal day had turned special, n enchanted.

感謝しています！

Pain.

an unintentional conversation broke me from within. too eager i longed to abandon this pain. yet recovery isn't as easy as i hoped. being dazed for the rest of the day, the sighing that i'd tried so hard avoiding, took control of me.

walking through the crowd with a smile on my face, tears welled up in my eyes. some escaped, n was (fortunately) mistaken as tiredness. the pain wouldn't stop tightening its grip on my heart.

breathless, i was consumed .. by a scar that still hurts ..

放す、お願い ..