Sunday, October 28, 2007

The Weight of "Trust".

not sure about your perspective, but i pretty much dislike the feeling of disappointment. it felt like a minor betrayal. though minor, still betrayal nonetheless .. i guess the core lies in waiting. the anxiousness grew, mirroring the period of time spent. when the bad news finally shows itself, it became almost unacceptable. emotions start tumbling down the hill .. devastated ..

had been persuading myself not to think that the world evolved around me. yet at times, i get fed up with flowery words - so beautiful yet most hurtful of all. n worst, it manage to corrode the trust little by little, ruining it unnoticeably. trust - that ain't easy to build even from the beginning. could it be any easier to regain a Lost one ??

i grew in a family that doesn't hold strongly to promises, nor trust. it is just some words to make us study. the mentioned rewards never exist other than verbally. it took me quite a few rebellious years to learn the cruel fact. reaching college, finally awaken, i realized that the accumulated rewards will never fall into my possession. from then, i stopped trusting, stop hoping. i learn to earn my own share of money instead, to get me what i want. it makes me a rather materialistic girl, but at least it is finally Real .. things start to exist because of my hard work ..

a positive view of this training or experience, whatever it may be called, is that it makes me independent, makes me stop hoping, but to reach out for "the impossible" myself. maybe that's the exact reason i find it hard to trust, doubting others for motives n hidden intentions .. to an extend that some find it absurd for me to take a whole year to trust one single person ..

or .. maybe it is just the movies having their effects on me, creating a dramatical me .. *shrugs*


  1. Well, I experienced what you thinking before, not same but similar.

    Well, do what you want and what in your mind. Don't matter the result too much. You will be rewarded of trying your best.


  2. 宝茹: hehe. thanks. :) i'm just glad to be able to get it out of my system.

    lukxiufung: thanks so much for the advice n concern. appreciate it lots !! yup, i suppose that's what i'll be doing for now. just go ahead n give it my best. ;)

  3. [i grew in a family that doesn't hold strongly to promises, nor trust. it is just some words to make us study. the mentioned rewards never exist other than verbally.]

    Mum and Dad promised you goodies if you do well in exams, but never gave any? O_O

    Well, when I was in Primary School Standard 1, I was Ranked No. 1, I buggered me mum and dad for a computer.

    Finally got one in 1993 when I was Primary School Standard 6. :D

    Better late than never eh? XD

  4. that makes you born in 1980 ?? :P

    yup, definitely better late than never. mine, lets see .. they owe me presents for UPSR, PMR, SPM n college (kinda like reward me if i successfully reach a standard they fixed).

    since joining college, i started realizing the cruel truth. n doing part-times to get me what i want. ;)

  5. It is 1981. :)

    Only 2 years elder than you right?

    I so feel like a stalker now! XD

  6. you're stalking me !! haha right .. right after you told me that. dang, i'm so lameeee. XD